Daddy Disastar

Juliet has gone to work. We have waved her goodbye from the window. Today is a childcare day, but as Big Cook Little Cook is on Cbeebies (no accounting for taste) I get ten minutes to write.

I am hopelessly behind on my Dads Dictionary project. Between the beginning of December and the end of this month I am supposed to have written thirty new poems on the theme of Dads. But instead Joss had pig flu, we moved house and we had the world and his wife over for Christmas. I think I might have just about have completed one. Still, I'm back on board now and forever hopeful, juggling about about a dozen half-written ones.

Of the poems in progress, "Daddy Disaster" is probably the one that most describes the sort of Dad I am. Hands on but chaotic and in a practical sense, utterly hopeless.....


He lives in a house that’s all lopsided
Where the chores aren’t done and the drawers aren’t tidied
His van is wrecked and his driving's wreckless
His favourite outfit is his breakfast
How did he get to become a father?
Ladies and Gentlemen - Daddy Disaster

The hand he lends is crammed with thumbs
One job to do’s too much at once
Who broke the toilet? Do you have to ask?
Can he fix it? No, he can’t.
If you wanna make a mess then meet the master
Welcome to the world of Daddy Disaster


Who cut himself on a pencil sharpener?
Coloured his face in fluorescent marker?
Sat his bottom down on a wet banana?
Set his hair alight with a harmless sparkler?
Yes, you're right,you've guessed the answer
Ladies and Gentlemen - Daddy Disaster